Friday, August 10, 2012

The Day I Lost My Mind (And Car) at the Car Wash

Today they lost my car at the car wash.
Yes, you heard me correctly. Lost.
Let me start from the beginning.

Berks and I started our day off dropping Kels and Lu at school, made our way to the gym, then decided it was time for a wash. We picked up some lunch and headed for the car wash. Note: Simple drive through car washes don't exist here. Seriously annoying but, for a cheap $8 bucks (and 20 min. later-grrr) you get a killer car cleaning.

The second we walked into the waiting area it all began. The filthy dirty place was chuck full of toy candy cars and lollipop fans all strategically placed for little chubby fingers. Naturally Berks went crazy and wanted it all. Okay, fine. We'll look for a minute and then go watch the fish in the tank while we consume our chicken nuggets. Right. After 32 temper tantrums and flying chicken nugget madness I caved and bought him some Skittles. Not just any Skittles. $3 bucks a bag Skittles. If they keep him quiet it's worth it.

RIP! EXPLODE! BOOM! CRASH! As I turned my head to pay the cashier Berks had managed to get the bag of Skittles open himself. Oh please just tell me that didn't happen. As quickly as he could he was grabbing them by the handful and shoving them like mad in his mouth. Now I must admit, I'm a bit of a 10 second rule mom but at this place, NO WAY! There I was, kneeling on the ground fighting over grimy Skittles with a screaming-at-the-top-of-his-lungs 2 yr old. And remember his mouth was full so along with the screaming the Skittle drool was coming at me 90 miles and hour. Seriously. Someone put me out of my misery.

I had to get out of there. Quick. Super hero quick.  I grabbed Berks and all our crap, which there was a lot of (lunch, purse, water bottles, phone, diaper bag, slobber Skittles, etc.), and headed for the door. Icing on the cake. On the way out Berks' freakishly long toddler arms grabbed a tube of Mentos and yes, explosion city happen all over again. With full arms I managed to sweep up 1/2 the opened package and literally, I mean literally throw it at the cashier. Sorry about that. Wait, no I'm not. I'm about ready to walk out the door and learn that you have lost my car.

Okay this is turning into a long stupid story.

BTW I failed to mention it's like 285 degrees here today. Heat + wresting toddler = a hot (sticky) mess x 2. Hey Calgon, you can take me away now!

Finally, out the door we went in hopes that the car was complete and we could be on our not-so-merry way. Hmm...that's weird. I swear I saw my car go through the wash part. Why is it not in the dry part. Sir? Have you seen a Honda Pilot?

Let's bring this story to an end...

AND...Just like that psycho mom with psycho toddler in tow completely lost it. I'm pretty sure you could liken it unto the episode Berks had demonstrated to all 10 min. earlier. I threw a very boisterous tantrum and all the workers exploded like Skittles all over the place to see what had gone wrong. I'm sure "the vein" that occasionally makes an appearance across my forhead was having the show of its life.

10 minutes later...

they found my car. Some dummy parked it across the lot behind Carl's Jr. and failed to tell anyone it was finished. You're kidding me right?  Are you ready? Here's the best part. I walked across the lot to get into my car only to find there were no keys. Seriously? Will someone just kill me now? You know what that meant? I had to trek all the way across the parking lot back to the store in 285 degree heat with psycho toddler and show my face, again, to Mento candy catching cashier and the customers who witnessed "the vein". Gun please. Will someone just give me a freakin gun?

So, consequently FFF will have to return next week. As you can see, I'm in no mood for anything fashionable. Except for THIS which I think I totally deserve today!

It's Friday!
Shop. Eat cake. And don't take your car to the car wash this weekend!

P.S. Prince Charming from now on it's your job to wash the car.

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